


Farewell

by kannachan27



Category: Persona 3, Persona 4, Persona Series
Genre: Family Feels, Gen, Multi, Persona 3 Spoilers, Persona 4 Spoilers, i also took liberties with concepts of personae, i took many liberties with the dark hour, naoto is minato's sibling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-01
Updated: 2011-06-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kannachan27/pseuds/kannachan27
Summary: Minato couldn't bring himself to withhold the truth about the Dark Hour from his little sister.  But Naoto had troubles of her own, and they all started and ended with Minato. Or: Naoto is Minato's sister AU.
Relationships: Kujikawa Rise & Shirogane Naoto & Tatsumi Kanji, Persona 3 Protagonist & Sanada Akihiko, Persona 3 Protagonist & Shirogane Naoto
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been backdated to the original publishing date and uploaded without changes on 31 March 2020. 
> 
> Friends, I absolutely LOVED playing with this concept and really would love to come back and either do more with it or rewrite this work.
> 
> For Gwen

Naoto picks up the phone.

“Naoto? Hey, this is Minato.” His voice is rougher than normal and she can hear him breathing deeply on the other end of the phone. There is a lot of ambient noise in the background, so she knows he is on or near a station. He sounds upset, and this worries her greatly.

“Onii-san, what’s wrong?”

Silence is all that she can hear for the next several moments, nearing minutes, and she can almost see the look on his face that he gets when he is thinking. Always thinking about other people’s feelings, that’s her big brother. But Naoto is patient; she lets her brother think what he will. She will give him his time and wait for his answer. After all, it was a loaded question and he was in public.

“I will be a student at Gekkokan High School next week.” He pauses, lets it sink in. Yes, he was going back to where their parents were killed. Yes, he was doing so willingly. No, he was not about to throw a fit about it. His voice was even and he betrayed none of the usual vocal tics that would betray his misgivings or it being completely against his will. He breathed slowly and deeply, calm.

“Oh.” Naoto swallowed and bit her lip, trying to stay calm. “I… I see. Will you be coming to Grandpa’s before you leave, or are you going to be taking the bus straight from there? Shall I see you off?”

“That will be unnecessary. I’ve discovered that it would be… easier for everybody if I take the bus to Iwatodai now, before classes get started.” He sighed and it was easier than his last breath. “I will not be able to see you, even on holidays. I’m sorry, but there was nothing I could do to change their minds.”

Naoto bit her lip and knew she needed to compose herself. Minato would give her time, just as she had given him his own, and she loved him for it. She would not throw a fit. “Tantrums solve nothing,” she whispered. She pleaded with her heart to stop hurting, and to follow through with her thoughts, but the farthest she got was _I will not see my brother for over a year_ and repeated the mantra.

Minato’s soft chuckle reached her ears. “You’re such a silly girl, Naoto-kun,” his voice was warm, “You repeat the things that have hurt you so you will not hurt yourself.” A breath, and his voice was serious. “Don’t be afraid to be yourself around me. You’re a girl, too, you know. You can be weak.”

But any tears that escaped were unwilling, traitorous bastards, and she pretended her voice was strong and stable when she made him swear to write to her while he was away.

* * *

She feels silly when she receives the first letter from her brother. Her grandfather simply chuckles when she comes running into the sitting room, clutching what looks to be a small, thick package.

“Grandfather, Minato-niisan sent us a letter!” She tries to clamp down on her excitement, but she cannot fully close herself off, and her voice has risen to its natural level again.

Her grandfather chuckles and waves her over. “That is more than a simple letter, Naoto. Shall we read it together?” He loves when his granddaughter acts her age, and it seems that Minato is the catalyst.

Naoto’s face was warm, but she couldn’t stop the bright smile that burst over her face. “Yes!”

* * *

_Dear Nao-chan._

Grandfather’s voice sounded amused, “So the boy does have a heart. Only concerning you, hm?”

_I’m sorry that I haven’t written. The train was late and I could not call you when I arrived at the dorms, though I am sure you would not have minded. I was introduced to the members of a club called SEES, and it is in that particular dorm that I am staying. I do not think you would like any of them, by what I have seen thus far, so I will not tell you much more at this point._

Naoto was surprised. “He is living with a group of people that he has just met, and joined the club, but he thinks that I would not like any of them? How strange. Does that mean that he does not like them?”

“Don’t be fooled so easily, Naoto-kun. He said that you would not like what he has seen of them so far.”

Naoto nodded, serious. “I shall pay more attention to the wording next time, Grandfather.”

_In fact, they were the first people to truly welcome me when I arrived. For that alone, I request that you hold your judgment until I can tell you more about them. I feel slightly indebted to them, however, because during my first week at school, I collapsed. I woke up in the hospital and one of the girls, named Takeba Yukari, was at my bedside; she told me that I had been unconscious for over a week. But do not worry, I am healthy now and have returned to regular activities._

Naoto purses her lips as she sets the letter down. “He was unconscious for at least a week, because of undisclosed circumstances, and he tells me not to worry.” She sighed. “Nii-san can be quite silly sometimes, grandfather.”

Her grandfather laughed. “Yes, both of you can be quite silly sometimes. Now, I believe I spotted a letter in the package for me. Will you hand it to me, Naoto-kun?” He glanced at his watch and smiled, “Perhaps you should take these to bed with you. It is getting to be quite late, and you have school.”

Naoto gathered up the rest of the items she pulled from the package and headed to her room for the night, but she did not go to sleep until long after she found the addendum that was meant only for her.

_Nao-chan,_

_If I told you what was really going on with me right now, I fear you would not believe me and you would most likely think I have gone insane. However, I feel uncomfortable hiding the truth from you. Would you prefer to hear the truth, no matter how insane, or shall I tell you simplistic half truths?_

_Nii-san._

Naoto considered her choices for approximately half a second before reaching for a notebook and pen, scribbling her answer to send out in the morning before she went to sleep.

_Minato-niisan_

_I would prefer the truth, even if it makes you seem insane. Please include detailed accounts of your actions, and refrain from being hospitalized. Also include information about your new companions._

_Naoto._

* * *

Minato was leaving for class one morning shortly after he and the others had defeated the Priestess Shadow when he saw it, out of the corner of his eye. It was an almost obnoxiously bright pink, a color that he had just recently begun to despise more than anything else in this world and the next, and he could almost make out the kitten designs on it.

He had to suppress a shudder. It was disgusting and strangely reminded him of something that Yukari-san would have left around for him, or somebody else, that she fancied. However, he knew this was not the case, for he saw that it had a certain seal on it that nobody else would have known about.

 _Nao-chan didn’t have to draw_ that _so I would know it was from her._ He inwardly groaned and reached out for the envelope, noting that it felt thicker and heavier than the past few letters from his sister.

“Hey, Minato. What’s going on?” Akihiko stepped up beside him, idly glancing over his shoulder. “Mail, huh? I bet it’s from a secret admirer.” He winced, “Or a not so secret admirer. Fan girls just get worse as time goes on.” He chuckled. “But man, she must have spent an awful long time decorating it. I bet she really likes that kind of stuff, huh?”

Minato tapped the corner of the pink monstrosity against his cheek and grinned. “Actually,” he said, his voice full of so much joy and happiness that Akihiko felt struck dumb, “she really hates girly things.”

Akihiko’s face colored and he tripped over the first part of the sentence before it left. “Then why’d she put so much time into doing that? You don’t like it either, do you?”

Minato’s grin didn’t fade, but he ran his finger gently over the special seal fondly. “She’s just teasing.”

They walked to school together, both feeling a great deal happier. Minato wondered if it was a mistake to send a sketch of Orpheus to his sister, but decided that it would be better this way.

* * *

_Onii-san,_

He couldn’t wait until after school to open the envelope, so he pretended to be sleeping during his afternoon class in order to read it. He was curious what kinds of things Naoto would include in a letter that had such a strong preface as her envelope had given. Even with Junpei glaring at him.

_I am pleased to hear that you are well. Grandfather and I have been doing well, also. For me, school has been uneventful, quite unlike your year thus far. I am glad to hear that you have refrained from being hospitalized once again, though I am concerned with the amount of injuries that you have sustained and even more so with the amount of injuries that you must not have mentioned having. Has Takeba Yukari-san recovered from her injuries yet? I recall you mentioning that they were quite severe._

Minato smiled a little at his sister’s carefully chosen words. She was worried about him, and about his teammates. Though, he forgot when he told her that Yukari had been injured. It was probably when she called him and he had been so tired that he answered every question she asked and then some, so he probably blathered on and on about everything that crossed his mind. She thought it was cute when he was sleepy, probably because he couldn’t be bothered to filter his thoughts.

_Oh! How is that boy you mentioned? I do not trust him, though I will not tell you to be careful – surely you must already know my distrust of these apparitions. You mentioned that he seemed to fade after he finished speaking, correct? That struck me as being incredibly suspicious. Though, if you trust him enough to allow his presence while you are unprotected, I shall not dwell on his existence._

Minato recalled writing to his sister about the boy that visited him during the Dark Hour, though he did not remember just how much he had told her and how much she had deduced for herself. He did not distrust the boy, although he had not known him for long, and felt surprisingly comfortable around him. He must be sure to bring that up to Naoto the next time he wrote.

 _In your next letter, would you explain to me a bit more about this “_ Apathy Syndrome _” that you have encountered, as well as all you know about Tartarus, Persona and Shadows? I am trying to understand, but I have yet to grasp even the smallest thread regarding these. My research has not helped, either._

His eyes scanned over the last sentence multiple times before he realized why he was experiencing conflicting feelings. His younger sister was researching Personas and Shadows. Worse than that, his younger sister was researching the occult, while living in a very traditional-minded family home, many miles away from where the action was actually happening. He was not researching them, nor had the thought ever crossed his mind to do so independently, and he was soaking in everything that Ikutsuki-san and Mitsuru-senpai would tell him about anything.

His sister was putting more effort into figuring out the _real_ mysteries than he was. It was kind of cool.

_You keep mentioning your cool senpai, but you never come out and tell me about him. I have come to the conclusion that you do not plan to inform me of anything regarding him, so I must ask you directly: what type of person is he? What are his strengths and weaknesses, in and out of battle, and what kind of feel do you get from him? Also, I request that you send me photographs of your team. I am quite curious about_

“Psst! Minato! Come on, dude, I know you’re not sleeping, so help me out with this one!”

Minato sighed and tucked the letter underneath his notebook, shifting his head so Junpei could read his lips. First, he mouthed the words “fuck you,” and smirked when Junpei started to repeat them before catching himself. His revenge was satisfactory for the moment, so he told Junpei the real answer.

Junpei refused to speak to him for the rest of the day, and Minato happily searched around for cameras.

* * *

Naoto was surprised when she received a package full of pictures and notes for each individual photograph. Each picture was different, most of them seeming like the subject did not know that the picture was being taken or was surprised by it.

_Me and Akihiko-senpai._

Truthfully, she thought that the blushing, awkwardly posed boy in the picture that was standing next to her usually blank-faced brother was terribly adorable. It was also nice to see Minato standing so close to someone who wasn’t her and looking comfortable, even a bit happy. She could count the number of times she has seen him smiling in public on one hand.

_He is the one who saw your last letter and questioned me about it. I made sure to buy a camera as soon as I had enough money and this was the very first picture that I took. I thought that you would like it._

_Nii-san._

In fact, Naoto loved it – and she could see herself beginning to fall for the other boy in the picture, if her brother hadn't already made his claim. She was not stupid, far from it, and she could read the signs, even in a picture that was too close and slightly blurry: her brother fancied this other boy. Romantically or otherwise, she was not sure, but she knew that it would not be proper to make her interest known.

_Minato-nii,_

_You and your senpai seem to be close. Tell me more about him sometime. Also, is this the camera you plan to use when you join the photography club? Perhaps you should attempt to capture the Dark Hour on film as well as your companions._

_Naoto._

* * *

She kept copies of the letters that her brother once sent her. She would match them up by the day and carry them around, photocopies carefully folded and placed inside her wallet. If there was a day that Minato had not written to her, she would choose the photograph that he had taken on that day and carry that around with her instead.

After her brother had gotten his camera, he had begun taking pictures of things daily. Sometimes it was in pure fun, sometimes it was to fill a request she had made, and other times it was because of something only he knew about. Whatever it was, he always made sure to mark the date on the back.

The original copies of the letters were safely locked away in her bedroom at her Grandfather's estate, where not even her Grandfather knew about them. He did not know much about the letters at all, save for the weekly packages that her brother sent for them both. If he saw a picture, it was only because Naoto or Minato had wanted him to see it, and the things he saw never had anything to do with the Midnight Hour or Tartarus at all.

On the days when she missed him the most, days like today that he had always loved, she would take out the letter and read it carefully, replaying the memory of his voice in her head, trying to recapture his feelings as if he was still alive.

Naoto felt silly, but Sukuna-Hikona did not disapprove of this, so it was allowed to continue.

* * *

Minato had once told her about something called a Persona. But it was different, she remembered, because when he spoke about this, he used plurals. Multiple Personas, Personae, as if somebody could possibly have more than one. She didn’t think too much of his use of plurals and forgot about it.

Of course, she did not realize until she met Souji that it was true. That there could be more than one Face to present the World with, and that her brother was quite the same.

Minato had also told her about Shadows, so when she heard Yukiko-senpai half-drunkenly speak of “beating the crap outta Shadows” with their Personas, she had not been afraid. She knew what they were and how they might possibly affect her, but she could handle it. Still, she had not believed the group, believing them to be lying to her. She thought it must have been over, but something inside her gut told her that it might not have been as over as the SEES had thought it was with the sacrifice of her brother. So, when she had been in the perfect position to play bait, she calmly accepted her role.

She had been surprised when the Shadows did not turn out to be exactly as her brother had said. He had never mentioned anything about somebody’s own Shadow turning against them. She supposed that her brother had not realized this and forgave him, even as she berated him for slacking on his detective training while he was away. Then again, he had always been the more clumsy of the two, and forgetful.

When she met Sukuna-Hikona, she was taken aback by the feather light whisper of a kiss she felt on her cheek that came with the, “We are still as one.”

* * *

Truthfully, Naoto had not been too surprised when the letters stopped coming. She had expected it for a long time, the day that her brother was not able to write to her. It became something that was a definite once they realized that he would need to be sacrificed in order to save the world. Even before he sent her his answer, she knew what he would do.

They had known all along that Minato cared far more about these people that he had met than they cared about him. It was something that Naoto criticized and wished he would admit freely. She knew that they would not hurt as badly as those who truly cared about Minato would. But still, she wished that she would not be the only one who hurt and the only one who remembered Minato.

He had told her to expect everyone forgetting about him. He said, “If you want to forget, too, I won’t blame you.” He told her, “Remembering will only hurt you more.” He’d said that calmly, in the way that meant that he was hurting but only wanted to make it easier for everyone else. So like her, she’d realized, and she knew that he would tell her to forget him anyway. But she knew her answer well in advance, and she told him so.

That night, she spoke to a tiny fairy man who comforted her and asked if she wanted to forget. He seemed to be pleased with her answer and whispered a kiss against her cheek before he faded away.

She would not remember this encounter, even years afterward, when she meets the fairy man again, but she will always remember that she had the strength to choose to remember her brother, the boy who sacrificed himself to save the world from darkness.

When she accepts her weakness and meets him again, Sukuna-Hikona whispers a kiss against her cheek and she feels his praise warming her from the inside as he fades.

* * *

She finds out because of a phone call, timed at exactly the right time. She had called him and he had answered the same way he always did, uncaring of who was around or when the phone rang, simply flipping his phone open and putting it to his ear. She knew he had put it to his ear because she could hear his steady, even breathing into the microphone.

 _"--and there you go again, pretending like you're just_ so _much better than the rest of us! Who is it this time, huh? Your girlfriend? Some little girl you have to save? Well, man, fuck you! Whoever it is doesn't matter more than us; they're not risking their lives to save the fucking world, but you don't care about that either, do you? You were probably planning this the entire_ fucking _time, with that... that_ thing _inside you._ "

She hears her brother's breath speed up, soft and quick puffs against the receiver.

"Junpei—"

 _"No. Fuck you, man. Just. Fuck you. I can't even-- and you're_ still _on the phone."_

There is shuffling and her brother makes a small, startled sound. Something like cloth seems to rustle against the microphone and maybe somebody presses a button because there's a strange sound.

"M-Minato-niisan?" She's ashamed that her voice wavers and cracks, making her sound weak and small and confused and completely, utterly alone. "M-Minato-niisan," she hates the thickness in her voice that betrays she has been - that she is still - crying. But she hasn't been able to stop.

"Nao-chan!" Minato-niisan's voice is far away and he sounds like he's panicking. He never calls her Nao-chan when there are others around, and for good reason. She always ends up losing her carefully constructed calm when he does, but this time it wasn't there to begin with.

"Onii-san, onii-san... d-don't leave m-me..."

_"The fuck is this?"_

"Naoto-chan, calm down. It's okay, I'm here. Did you," her brother pauses for a moment, considering if it was safe, but must have decided he didn't care. "Did you see them again? What time is it there, can you tell me? Focus, Naoto-kun, remember your training. What do you do in a crisis? _Think_."

Her hands are shaking as she grips the cellphone her brother sent her tightly, but her breathing calms a bit and she wipes her eyes. She can vaguely hear noise on the other side of the line, but doesn't think about that. She needs to calm down, but most of all, she needs to find a clock. Preferably analog, so the time did not change when the Dark Hour happened. She was losing herself to the panic she was feeling.

"Onii-san, I don't remember--"

"It's on the table, just where you left it. Think, Nao-chan, what day is it today? Tell me."

Her eyes scan the room but can't stop on anything. Eerie green light is pouring in from the window and all she can feel is fear. She thinks she might hyperventilate. She tries not to notice the blood.

"Th-Thursday. Onii-chan, onii-chan, it's still Thursday and I don't--"

"Naoto-chan, it's Friday. It's Friday. Calm down. Remember, it's blue and has a flower on it - you didn't want Grandfather to buy it at all, but we all agreed on the color. You wrote Mother's name across the bottom and Father's name on the side. You wrote my name next to yours. Can you find it?"

_"The fuck are you saying, man? Why the fuck does this chick keep calling you 'nii-san'? Do you get off on that now or--"_

_"Iori, shut the fuck up."_

_"Hell no, Sanada-senpai, not when --"_

_"That's his_ baby sister _he's talking to!"_

Naoto's eyes finally spot what she was looking for and they lead her to the clock next to it. "It's midnight," she whispers. She recognizes that it means something, but the meaning is unclear.

"I thought so." Her brother's voice is low and soothing suddenly, and she wishes he was here. He sounds a lot closer than he did before, and she cannot hear the people in the background as much either. "You're experiencing the Dark Hour. Do you remember? Tell me. What do you remember?"

"Th-They're still here. Onii-san, they're still here. W-watching me. I c-c-can't... y-you told me not to talk about it when they come out. A-and I t-tried to st-stay sleeping, but I. I don't know. I woke up and now... Mother and Father are screaming, nii-san. A-and, and I think. I think you are, too. B-but I wasn't there. Onii-san, I wasn't there, how do I remember you screaming?" Her breath shudders out of her.

"It's alright, Naoto. Tell me anyway. The Dark Hour. Pretend you're on a case, your first case without a partner and you called for backup. You're terrified, but you need to tell me what happened before I showed up to support. I can't back you up if you don't tell me. What do you remember, Shirogane?"

She gulped and tightened her fingers around the phone. She had closed her eyes long ago, but could still feel those eyes staring at her. The eyes of the creatures that came out during the Dark Hour.

"A-at midnight every night, th-there's another hour. Th-these things you called Sh-Shadows come out then. They t-torment people with the P-Potential, who aren't T-Transmorgified into coffins. Onii-san, why did I come out of my coffin? I didn't hear the v-voice you told me about."

Naoto could hear somebody's voice on the other end, closer now, or maybe louder. She wasn't paying attention, though; she was listening to the sound of her brother's breathing. She hoped that it would make the screaming go away. She concentrated on the sound of him breathing and pretended that she could not tell that the screaming was his, as well. She knew that he was trying to keep his breaths even for her sake, but she could hear the little hitch in it. She tried to close everything else out but the sound of his breathing and concentrated on that and his voice in her ear in order to get herself to stop shaking.

“I don’t know why you came out, Naoto.” There was a pause. “You might have the Potential, but... I would rather believe that you were safe inside of your coffin instead of out and about where the Shadows can get you.” Her brother sighed and she bit her lip. “At least now we know that it is not just here that this phenomenon occurs.” A deep breath, in and out. She counted the seconds between them. “Are you still hearing them?” In, out, and all she could hear now was the blood rushing in her ears.

“Not anymore, onii-san,” she whispered, and she felt her knees giving out on her and the floor was kind of slippery where she collapsed, her knees hitting before anything else with a dull thumping sound. “I cannot hear them anymore. I,” she breathed and concentrated on the steadiness of her brother’s breath hitting against the microphone of his own cell phone, “I believe that I have calmed slightly.”

She heard his breath hitting the microphone all at once, as if he had been holding his breath and released it in one fell swoop. But she knew that he had not been holding his breath because she had been timing hers with his and she had been counting them – there was no way that she could have been wrong about that. But maybe his last breath had been deeper than the last; she had not been paying attention to how much air he had sucked in. Maybe she should have counted that, too.

“Good. That – That’s good.” But the way that he said that, the way his voice sounded a little bit more choked than it had before, let her know that it was so much better than simply _good_ , he was so much more relieved that it seemed. It was such a good thing that she had calmed down. That the voices faded and her lights flickered on and the world was not bathed in an eerie green light, in blood, any longer.

“It’s after midnight, now,” she whispered. “They’ve completely disappeared. Onii-san, does this mean that I’m going to be like you? Will I be able to summon those Personae like you do?” She couldn’t help the hope, the excitement, which appeared in her voice. That she could be like her brother.

Her brother was her hero, after all. He was absolutely everything that she had ever wanted to be – at least, he would have been had he completed his detective training. But, still, he was the perfect man.

“I hope not, Nao-chan.” There was a little regret in his voice when he said this. “It isn’t as great as you think it is, having so many other selves. It’s better to just have one face, you know. Don’t force it, either. Just let it come on its own and everything will be just fine, I promise.”

She would have been lying if she said her brother’s words were not confusing her. But Naoto would not lie about something like that, and not to her brother. He was everything, after all. And he probably already knew that he was confusing her, so she just said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

He chuckled and Naoto could hear shifting. Maybe he was brushing his hair away from his face. It was a losing battle that he would never stop fighting – he wouldn’t even cut his fringe – but it was kind of endearing to know that, even so far away, he still did things like that. “Don’t worry. Like everything else in life that you want to know about, it will come in time. Don’t rush it, okay?” He sighed. “You’ll probably forget about it anyway. I mean, most people who wake up end up forgetting after all... Maybe, if you’re like me, you would be different.” He paused. “I’m rambling and you’re getting tired.”

Stifling a yawn, she said, “No I’m not!” but it did not have the kind of indignant heat that she had been hoping for. It was muffled and kind of slow. It made her feel even more lethargic than it had before. Strange. She had not been feeling tired before he mentioned it. “Okay, perhaps I am a little sleepy.”

“Naoto, you just said sleepy. That must mean that you’re _exhausted_. Go to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow to check up on you.” Her brother chuckled a little bit and waited for the childish whine that did not come before saying, “Goodnight, Nao-chan. Hurry and go to sleep. Message me when you wake up.”

He disconnected and Naoto sat on the floor in the sitting room, her cell phone open on the floor beneath her, her head tilted down and her eyes staring towards the phone but unfocused. Her hands reached up and wiped away tracks of salt that had dried on her face, but her eyes were still far away.

Her brother would call her the next day, yes, but not before she receives a message from a number that she does not recognize, telling her that her dearest brother had something evil sealed inside of him when he was a child – _the night your whole world almost died_ , the person does not say – and that none of them knew until the night before, when they were given the truth that had been hidden from them. The message also said that everybody was angry at her brother for not telling them – kind of stupid, she thought, because it was not like _he_ knew either – and that it would be hectic for a while. They were given the choice between killing the thing inside of him that would bring about the end of the world, or letting it live and fighting the purest evil that there was and possibly dying in the process.

_I don’t know how much he told you, but that’s the type of thing we’re up against, kid. That’s what people like us, who have these things inside of them, are up against. You shouldn’t be in a hurry to join us, so listen to your brother and take your time. He really cares about you, you know._

Yes, she knew. She knew a lot more than this person thought she knew, too, but she was in no hurry to correct them about her knowledge. Besides, she was not in a hurry to get the power that caused her brother’s voice to be so grave when he spoke about it.

But when she went to sleep after her experience of the Dark Hour, she visited a room that was a deep shade of blue and felt like a comfort to her soul. An old man with a long nose told her that it was not her time yet and that her journey was yet to come. The current battle was not hers to fight and she had another Leader to find and follow so her powers would not be needed for a while.

The fluttering of wings that she could feel underneath her skin did not come back until much later.

* * *

Many things were said about Shirogane Naoto, but three of them would always remain true.

She loved her brother. He was always her favorite family member and had been her favorite person in the world. She had wanted to be like him – well, without the constant clumsiness and occasional bad attitude. He was kind to others, made friends easily, and could get away from the more restricting traditions of their family easier than she could. And even if he lied to everyone else in the world, he had never lied to her, and that was all that mattered, really.

She had never forgotten her brother or what he had told her about the other world. That’s why, when the Amagi girl mentioned Shadows and Personae, she had thought that they were lying. She believed that, with her brother’s sacrifice, it would have been over with. So, when she realized what was going to happen when that man grabbed her and she woke up in the television, she did not panic, merely loaded her gun and waited. Most of the time, she pushed thoughts of him to the back of her mind.

Her detective training – her brother had wanted to be a scientist, once, like their mother had been and she had thought her father’s job was so much cooler so she wanted to be a detective like him – had definitely come in handy during her teenage years. More so than the knowledge from her brother’s adventures – helpful, but horribly wrong and difficult to decipher in parts – her ability to keep a cool head (at least, cooler than Yosuke’s head) in a crisis and her ability to act had been the reason the Investigation Team had been able to make it through tough spots more often than not. No matter the situation, she was always able to keep her calm, ever since that one day that she did not quite remember.

Yes, many things were true about Shirogane Naoto, but none more so than the fact that she was simultaneously a horrible and amazing liar. Because, sometimes, you had to lace the truth with lies in order to keep yourself from breaking – and sometimes your other self agrees and lets you keep the lies.

(Because her brother lied to everybody, no matter who they were – there was no reason that she would be an exception. She needed to be lied to like everyone else, and maybe even more so because he wanted to keep her safe. He did not care about the other people in town like he cared about her.

And she had forgotten about him, once. She didn’t realize that she had pushed him so far into the back of her mind until she and Souji had gotten together to solve the _other_ mystery – she had not realized that she had pushed him so far back into her mind that she no longer thought about him or hurt when she realized he was not on this earth anymore. That’s why she hid from Souji afterward, until she could erase the tear tracks that dug themselves back into her face. She never forgot after that, though. Who could, when both of her selves felt as if they had betrayed the most important person in the world?

If there was an award for deceit, surely she would have won one of them. She deceived so many people, so often, by hiding her boiling rage inside of her body while it appeared calm and collected. But there were two times that stood out in her mind, so painful, that she could not keep her calm. One was when the little sister of the group – not just Souji’s, anymore, she was everyone’s, now – did not wake up. Another was when she suggested murdering the bastard who did it. But no time was a bigger deception when she realized that she had moved on from her brother and she was looking at another.)

Shirogane Naoto would always love her older brother more than anybody else in the world, and that was the truth. Nothing could change that, ever. No matter who came along, she would love her brother.

(Except for a boy with eyes like his, who would be called Banchou – Leader – by the others in the group that she would join. A boy with the kind of lonely eyes that would haunt her in her dreams, but a soft voice that promised and delivered and did not lie to her even when it was painful for her to hear the words it spoke. A boy whose heart ached like hers, but would leave less than a year after their meeting.)

(Except for a boy who was constantly teased and ridiculed by the group that she would join, for reasons she did not understand completely until she sat down with him and asked. A boy with an over-eager, slightly awkward smile, whose voice cracked when he was emotional. A boy who had large hands that touched everything gently, afraid to break anything, and eyes that were so sincere that it hurt, sometimes. A good son, the kind of son her brother had never been and had never really tried to be.)

* * *

“Hey, Naoto-kun, what’s with those pictures you’re always looking at, huh?”

“N-nothing! W-wait, Rise-san, stop!” Naoto reached for the picture her friend had taken from her, almost desperately, but Rise simply turned away from her and ducked down to look at it.

“So, this is your brother, huh, Naoto-kun?” Rise whispered, peeking up over her shoulder to look at the girl with tears in her eyes. She remembered the conversation, back in the lab. She had heard everything.

“P-please give it back to me, Rise-san,” Naoto’s voice was shaking. “Please.” Her hands were fisted at her sides, her hat pulled down over her face and head down. Her heart hurt, having him taken again.

“Naoto-kun,” Rise whispered, “let’s hang out after school today, okay?” There was no answer.

Rise looked at the picture she held in her hands. It was a boy, maybe fifteen or so years old, with blue hair the same shade as Naoto’s, and if she didn’t know better, she would have said that the boy was Naoto’s Shadow. But she knew better. Shadows could not be recorded, and this was an older picture.

There was only one person that it could be, and it hurt to know that the first time she would see Naoto’s brother would be when she took the picture from her without asking. It felt like a betrayal. She had taken it without permission when she knew what it might have been and how important it was to her. (and everyone forgot Risette was really an awkward, shy girl who never had real friends before.)

“Naoto-kun, I’m sorry,” Rise wrapped her arms around the trembling girl and pressed the precious photograph into the pocket she knew it was always taken from. “I’m so sorry.” It felt like a betrayal.

She knew that Naoto always looked at the pictures when it was a particularly bad day. She knew that it would make her upset. She knew that the pictures might be _him_. She just hadn’t realized how right she was. She did not want to be so right about everything, anymore.

Sometimes, Rise hates her Persona. Sometimes, she thinks it would have been if she had stayed blissfully unaware, just so she wouldn’t have to see other’s pain so clearly and be unable to help.

* * *

 _“What is it,_ Nao-chan _? I thought you_ wanted _to be a detective? You know that was never_ my _thing.”_

**_Shut up shut up shut up don’t talk to me stop wearing his face stop it stop it stop it_ **

_The apparition smoothed her bangs away from her face almost sweetly, almost like it cared about her. When it laughed it sounded just like_ him _and it drove her insane and made her heart hurt. She missed him so badly but there was only so much that she could let herself remember before she breaks._

_His laugh is one of the things that she tries not to remember. It was one of the things she had loved most about him so it always hurt so much when she realized that she would never hear it again._

_(she wonders what happens to persona users when they die. Do they go to heaven, or cease to exist? But that doesn’t have anything to do with him, she knows. Her brother has always been_ special _.)_

 _“Tell me,_ Nao-chan _…” **shut up shut up shut up** “Can you tell me that you know what I am?” such a soft voice and it sounds like he used to when he was in a bad mood and teasing her but **don’t think of that just stay calm don’t think at all it’s not real it’s not real it’s not real** “You think that you have all the answers, don’t you! You want to think that he knew _everything _, that he told you everything. You want to think that there is_ no possible way _that he might have been wrong, or that he might not have even been given the full story!”_

_The apparition’s voice went hard and angry and the fingertips that had been caressing her face gave way with short but sharp fingernails that scraped just hard enough to be felt but not hard enough to hurt. “Or maybe,” there was hatred in the voice and Naoto fought not to react, “maybe, when he was finally told the truth, it was too late for him to back out. Or maybe it was too late for him to record it in the records that he had a senpai give to you. Maybe, when he finally knew what was happening, it wasn’t until he was standing before the final challenge that, if he failed, would be the death to everyone and, if he succeeded, would take him as a sacrifice.”_

_The apparition’s fingernails dug into Naoto’s cheek and she fought not to cry out at the pain. It hurt, but this kind of pain was something that she could handle. It was the pain she felt when the apparition’s eyes – so similar to her own, to her brother’s eyes – stared pain and hatred and helplessness into her own eyes. There was something broken in those eyes. It made her insides quake with a feeling she did not want to put a name to and she fought the burning she felt behind her eyes. She was fighting for control, and she had a feeling that it would not be possible. Still, against all logic, she must fight._

_“It hurts,” Naoto whispered. A sliver of approval shone in the apparition’s eyes at this admission. “It hurts that he is gone and that he is not coming back. It hurts because… because I know that he loved me, but I also know that he does not think anything of lying to the people that he loves. It hurts that what you are saying about him might be true!” the tears that she continued to fight against would not be denied and she felt them slide down her cheeks. “My brother loved me, but what I know is all that he decided to tell me. I knew long ago that he would not trust me with everything.”_

_“Yes,” the apparition seemed to purr. The expression on it’s face was of delight, but there was a pain that would not be denied in it’s eyes, in it’s voice that seemed to grow softer and more feminine with the increasing amounts of pain. “He_ loved _us,” it whispered, “he loved us, but he chose_ them _over us! Why? Why did he choose them? Were we_ insignificant _? Were we a bother? Were we… were we not good enough for him? Is that why he loved them more than he loved us?” The fingers that were gripping Naoto’s face relaxed and threaded themselves through Naoto’s hair, knocking the hat off of her head._

_“My brother did not think that I was an insignificant fool!” Naoto’s voice was hot with fury as she denied the apparition’s words. She wanted to refuse the thing’s wording, refuse the way it said ‘us’ instead of ‘you’ while speaking about her. But she would not give it the satisfaction of a reaction. Fury made her hard, distracted her from the pain. “My brother may have thought me childish, but that is because I was a child! I, too, would have thought less of myself if I had been catering to my whim. I can see why he would not have immediately rejected transferring to Gekkokan High School when he did.”_

_“First, mother and father leave,” the apparition started, tears in it’s eyes, “and brother comes back to us, scarred and hurt and alone. But he had us to love him; he had_ us _to take care of him! We weren’t good enough, though, so he was always so sad… Th-then, then he gets taken from us, too! It was bad enough to be alone for a year without him… but then… but_ then _!” The apparition sobbed. “Onii-san_ abandoned _us because we weren’t good enough. That’s why he left. We know it, but you are the one who refuses to admit it. Is it really that difficult to believe that our brother chose others over us?”_

_Naoto sniffed. “Only a child would say something like that. Are you a child? Is that why you’re wearing my face now, instead of wearing your own? You dress as if you would prefer acting like my mother than my father, which is not something that I aspire to be. You are taking my secrets and spilling them like they are yours to share, are you not? Isn’t that just a petty form of revenge? Tell me, torturous child, why do you hate my brother so? Were you once a supporter of the Kirijou family, of Nyx?”_

_The apparition’s eyes began to glow, dark blue-gray turning a murky green, to yellow-green until the color was closer to yellow than anything and getting brighter. The golden-eyed apparition that wore her face began to laugh, head thrown back and no mirth present, releasing her. “You will_ fight _against me until I have proven everything and embarrassed you, won’t you? Even then you will not accept what I have to say. Fine, then._ Know _that I will make you accept me, Shirogane Naoto. I had not realized that I would have to spell everything out for you to understand it, but it occurs to me that I had greatly overestimated myself once more.”_

 _Naoto snorted. “I will not admit to being as weak-hearted as you appear to be. I will not admit to being somebody who doubts her own brother.” Her voice was thoughtful again, when she said this, and she conceded in a fight against herself. “I would never be so_ weak _as to doubt the ones I love as my brother so liked to do.” Admitting this one thing felt like a betrayal to her, but once it had been thought it could not be un-thought; likewise, once it had been said, it could not be unsaid._

 _The apparition grinned and it was not unlike the predatory grin her brother often wore while they played various games and he knew that he was going to win. “Very well. I will allow you this.” The grin took a nasty turn when the apparition said, “We have visitors, so you_ will _act the part you are to play.”_

 _Confused as she was, she stiffened up and donned her cold, unfeeling mask of calm when the door slammed open and she heard Kanji-kun’s voice scream out, “_ Naoto! _” as if she were in great danger._

* * *

Kujikawa Rise acted the fool like she was expected to. After all, the others did not often look far beyond the surface – never far enough to see that, like Risette, Rise was an act as well. Souji-san, too, never realized that she was far more than she had allowed him to see.

None of the others realized that, left alone on the outside of the ‘dungeons’ she could still see and hear what went on inside of them. Oh, they knew that she had the ability to look into their enemies and find the weaknesses and strengths and even the abilities that they had, but that was all inconsequential. All of that meant absolutely nothing compared to what she did without thinking; nothing compared to what continued to keep her up at night, even after she had tried to stop it from happening.

No matter who they left at the entrance into the TV world, nobody ever asked – did they even notice? - why she had tears streaming down her face, even as she screamed out directions, instructions, tips and weaknesses. Nobody thought to ask if she could just give them the directions to where the hostage was from the very beginning, before they even entered the first floor.

Because Rise was far more powerful than Teddie was and ever would be, and it seemed obvious to them that there would be improvements in her battle usage, and the information she could give them would be different. And, oh, it was. It was so different, the things that she told them. But they didn’t _know_ what she would not tell them, and nobody even asked her to explain what she could do.

If they had asked her, she would have told them. Because she knew her powers were different, she knew that they were stronger. They were both great and terrible at the same time and she frequently wished that she would be allowed to forsake them. But she was different, and she was the only one who could not leave her power behind when she crossed over, so she could not block her ears from the hearts that screamed at her in the daytime, in the nighttime, even on their side.

And so, she listened as her teammates pretended that they were okay with themselves, and she listened when her classmates came up to her with love in their words and hate in their hearts. And she listened to the hearts that cried out in pain when their owners pretended that they were strong and happy.

Most nights she cried because it was another person lying to themselves, but on foggy nights like tonight – even though it was all over – she cried because nobody but her knew the real truth. Nobody but her knew that the true confrontation between Shadow and Original happened long before the group came in to ‘save’ the person, and that the so called true ‘acceptance’ was simply accepting the smaller, less painful, truth that the Shadow would reveal. In truth, it was a secret that they had been agonizing over, but it was never the true secret – the true secret was always far too dark to expose in the open. And so, she cried about their hypocrisy and the knowledge that _they did not know_.

* * *

Rise begged Naoto to spend time with her after school, again and again, hoping to talk, but Naoto never showed up. It wasn’t much later that Naoto started avoiding her all together. And after that, well, it was only a matter of time before Naoto stopped showing up at school at all.

* * *

Her cell phone was ringing. It was a familiar sound to her, almost as familiar as the questions. Why do people care that her phone is such an old model? It was her own business, not theirs. Besides, it was _special_. It was custom made – built to work even in the Dark Hour, Just In Case – and she had to fight herself for a long time to even change the ringtone.

Her cell phone rang twice more before it alerted her that she now had a voicemail message. It was from Rise, of course, but Naoto did not want to see her or talk to her just yet. She was acting like a petulant child, but that is what they believed her to truly be, was it not? She would only reinforce their image.

But there was a chance, of course, that Rise knew the truth. That could have been one of the reasons the girl was so insistent on speaking with her. Of course, that was just one of the reasons why Naoto refused to answer any of her calls. Rise might ask questions if she knew, and they would be questions that Naoto did not want to face, was not ready to answer.

But if Rise had known the truth all along, there was no reason for her to keep from questioning her all this time unless she also knew that Naoto did not want to talk about it. Unless she knew that Naoto could not talk about it, could hardly bring herself to remember it. Maybe she knew, and respected it.

But, still, there was a very large part of Naoto that was not ready to face anyone who knew the smallest bit of the truth that she could no longer keep hidden from herself. And until enough of her accepted that Rise was one of her three truest friends – and possibly the best of them all – in order to overrule the part of her that insisted that she stay by herself and not trust her heart for anything, she would ignore the phone calls that became the background noise twice or even three times every hour, before they stopped all together.

* * *

When Minato had been alive, and staying with her at Grandfather’s instead of staying with people he did not know in the dorms at Gekkokan high school, they had been very close. As close as he would let Naoto get, anyway, and she always told him everything that she could let him know, if he would listen. Minato always listened to her, though, and sometimes he would even tell his friends that he was going to spend time with his sister instead of going with them for the night.

He always listened to her, but he never told her anything about himself. She didn’t mind it, then, but now, the absence of confession stood out in stark contrast against the memories she had convinced herself to be the truth. Memories that she had warped, desperate for warmth.

Minato had always been cold. He had loved her, most certainly, but he had held her at a distance and been exactly what she had wanted him to be for the moment. He had been everything but himself.

It hurt, knowing that she was just like everyone else in his life, when she finally accepted it.

* * *

“Naoto. Oh, god, Naoto. Please don’t hang up on me. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I... Naoto, I just...” Rise paused and drew in a shaky breath. “I just really wanted to be your friend.”

There was a long silence between them, with only the sound of Rise’s uneven breaths and hiccupping, half-sobs breaking it, and Naoto could hear her own heart thumping painfully in her chest.

Finally, when she spoke, her voice was broken and hoarse and everything she didn’t want it to be, including something that may have been desperation when she whispered, “Wanted?”

And suddenly, Rise’s laughter – so clear and beautiful and light – bubbles up and outward and makes it across to the other side of the phone line into Naoto’s ears and heart. “Want to,” she says. “I want to.” There is no mistaking the lilt of Rise’s voice that means she’s happy, or the thickness that means that she’s crying. “Oh, god, Naoto. I want to be your friend. Your,” she stumbles over the words and starts over, “I... I want to be your best friend, Naoto.”

And Naoto cannot deny that her voice was shaky and weak as she whispered back, “Okay.”

* * *

The next day, Naoto goes to school and sits next to Rise and Kanji. Neither of them mention the dark bruise colored smudges beneath her eyes, or that she looks thinner, or that she is bone-tired, and Naoto is thankful. They just give her the biggest smiles she has ever seen and Rise holds her hand tightly under the table until it’s lunchtime and Kanji insists that they share the bento his Ma made.

And if they move their desks together and leave them that way, holding hands under them for the rest of the day, nobody dares say a word, and it’s the happiest the three of them have been for a long time.

* * *

It’s two weeks later and the three of them are sitting together on Rise’s bed after school, content. Naoto is nervous, unbearably so, and hoping to everything that she doesn’t mess everything up, but the other two don’t know what she is nervous about and barely get a chance to ask before she blurts it out.

“I... I-I want to go to Iwatodai.” Naoto’s face turns bright pink and she rushes on. “F-for a visit, you know. I... I mean, I know that we went with senpai before, but... I... I would like to go again. M-maybe if it was just the four of us. O-or, or three of us.” Naoto is a very dark red by the time she peeks up through her eyelashes to look at Kanji and Rise, thoroughly embarrassed, but she needn’t have worried.

The two former members of the Investigation Team both have smiles on their faces and say ‘yes’ before Naoto can even think about explaining why she wants to go visit the town, and Rise has her phone out and Souji’s number dialed before she can even say ‘thank you.’

And it doesn’t much matter, but Kanji’s hand is large and warm around hers, and it puts her at ease.

* * *

It was her first time coming to this place – to the rooftop of Gekkokan High School – and she felt a little strange standing on the roof of a school she had never gone to, dressed in formal wear, thinking about the brother who had given everything he had for everyone but her. She knew that there was no way to actually get the truth, but there was no way that he had done whatever he had simply to protect his younger sister – Minato had always been the kind of person who cared about the effect on the many than the individual. And it hurt, accepting that kind of uncertainty.

“So, uh, Naoto.” Kanji coughed, uncomfortable as she was, “what’re we doing here?”

Naoto turned around, her head held high and eyes bright with tears she would not shed, and said:

“This is where my brother died.”

“This is where my brother lived.”

“This is where my brother sacrificed himself to save us all.”

And there was such _pride_ in her voice that it hurt for her to listen to herself speak. It hurt, because she was so proud of him, but so _angry_ that he had left her behind again. So angry that he had done this for them, but not for her. So angry that he had chosen them over himself, just like he always had. But she would tell his story to the three people she trusted most in the world, and forgive and understand.

The tears finally fell when she whispered, more to herself than to them, “This is where I say goodbye.”

* * *

_“Huh? Who’s that picture of?”_

_Minato looked up, a guilty look passing over his face as he was caught. “Uh, it... it’s my little sister, senpai.” Hurridly, he tried to put the picture back in his wallet, but Akihiko stopped him, smiling._

_“Little sister, huh?” It was the first time he’d heard Akihiko speak with that kind of warmth. “Can I see? I had a little sister, too.” Akihiko’s smile was sad, but warm, and the hand offered was shaking._

_Minato bit his lip, hesitating, but handed over the picture of his Naoto. “Her name’s Naoto.”_

_Akihiko’s eyes meet his and he grins. “She’s adorable. You’ll have to introduce us.”_

_Minato smiles, slow and warm, and his stomach flips happily. “Of course.”_

* * *

It was near the end of the story when the four teens noticed that there was another person on the roof, and Naoto’s voice stuttered and stopped when he stood up and began walking toward them. She recognized this person, this man, who was coming towards them, and it wasn’t until he was standing almost in front of her that her brain and mouth connected.

“A-Akihiko-senpai?” she whispered.

The man looked like he’d seen a ghost when he dropped to his knees in front of her. “Y-you look so much like him,” he whispered, his eyes not leaving Naoto’s face for a second. “You have to be Naoto.”

Naoto blushed. “Y-yes, I’m Naoto. It... it is a pleasure to meet you, Akihiko-senpai.” her eyes dropped to her knees. “I have heard many things about you from onii-san...” _you must miss him as much as I do._

The fingers that touched her chin and lifted her face were not as rough and calloused as she had imagined a boxer’s would be, and the eyes that she was forced to stare into were not full of pain and sadness, but rather happiness and warmth. “Ah, but it is I who finally gets to meet the infamous _Nao-chan_.” There is laughter in his voice and a smile on his face, and he is warm with her. It is nothing like she had expected, this meeting with one of the SEES, and meeting Akihiko. It is so much better.

Naoto turns a brighter shade of red and averts her eyes so she is staring at the members of her own team over his shoulders, and immediately introduces them to the man she has just met but heard everything there is to hear about.

Souji stares at the newcomer after they are introduced and breaks out in a large, friendly grin. “We were going to go out to eat after Naoto finishes telling us the story of how you and the SEES fought Nyx, if you would like to join us.”

“Oh, senpai! I didn’t think that Naoto-kun could have gotten any redder!” Rise giggles as Naoto proves her wrong, again, by blushing even brighter at the attention.

“Guys, let’s just let Naoto finish telling us about her big bro, okay? And maybe Sanada-san can fill in the blanks afterward.” Kanji smiles at Naoto and puts a hand on her knee, squeezing gently.

Naoto smiles shakily back at him and takes a deep breath, continuing on and on, ignoring the tears that run down her face when she reaches closer to the end of that night.

* * *

When she gets to the end, Naoto takes a deep, shuddering breath and holds it for as long as she can. She feels the pressure building up inside of her, but waits just a little bit more and a little bit after that and a little bit more after that, until she feels she cannot take any more pressure, and finally lets the air out. When all of the built up air has found it’s way out of her lungs, she feels calmer and can say the words that she didn’t want to say before. “And then, he was gone.” Not anything nice or pretty, but simple and blunt. But that’s okay, because that was how he was, deep down. And now, she can breathe again.

“Oh, Naoto.” Rise had been crying for a long while, but it was not until this moment when she abandoned her seat next to Souji to wrap Naoto in her arms. “Naoto, Naoto, Naoto...” the girl sobbed, burying her face into Naoto’s neck and trying not to see the deep wound in the girl’s heart, or hear the other’s reactions. Naoto needed her, and they needed Naoto, and maybe Akihiko needed them, too.

* * *

“I think... I’ll be okay, now, onii-san. I think we’ll both be okay, but we’ll never stop loving you. And... and I don’t know if I can forgive you yet. But someday. For now, though... I want to say goodbye.”


End file.
